Yes, as the year comes to an end, I present to you the Good, the Bad and the Ugly side of Bollywood. Each category has some nominations and I have given them a rating which might differ from the original post rating. Simply because earlier they were rated as an INDIVIDUAL piece of work. Now, its more of a ONE on ONE, so ratings might change. (Based on films I have seen this year)
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Poor Ka Nawaab Award
Sometimes you know god makes JODIs in hell! The Saifeena Jodi wrecked havoc in the theatres and their films are running for the Poor Ka Nawaab Award. Yes, that one film that should be the epitome of Poor Films this year.
Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu - 3.5 / 10
Agent Vinod – 2.5/10
Cocktail - 3/10
The decision was tough... But the Award goes to
AGENT VINOD --- the attempted Bond failure in which the 2 starred together. It was BORE ULTIMATUM. It proved once again, after the disastrous “Kurbaan” that this pair's magic just doesn’t work on screen. Plus, Sriram Raghavan really screwed it this time.
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Masala Magic Award
The movies which were totally filmy and lived up to the hype around them. One was a remake of a cult film and the other 2 were actually 1 really long film cut into 2.
Agneepath - 5 / 10
GOW 2 - 6.5/10
GOW 1 - 6/10
The winner is ...
Gangs Of Wasseypur 2 – The 2nd offering of Anurag Kashyup’s epic masala film takes the award simply because it was more mad, had more powerful action and was overall the more enjoyable film.
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Pocket Rocket Award
The small wonders of the year. Though this wasn’t an exceptional year in terms of small films, but it did give some gems. They were the ones that surprised you when you expected the least.
Vicky Donor 5/10
Ferrari ki Swaari 6/10
English Vinglish 7/10
Luv Shuv tey Chicken Khurana 4/10
And the winner is ...
English Vinglish – Undoubtedly the most heart-warming film of the year. Sri Devi returned and how! She put in a stellar performance. The BEST ACTRESS award surely goes to her. And probably one of the best scenes was the CAFE scene where Sri Devi struggles to buy a coffee! Brilliant.
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Big Dud Award
Here come the big stinkers. Big Budget, big heroes, big box office collections, but films that are really regressive. If big stars and big directors really think this is what the audience wants and the audience proves that they just want Brainless Bullshit, then Bollywood will be dead in a few years. Akshay, Salman, Shahrukh and Ajay Devgan – Abb buss...
Rowdy Rathore 2/10
Ek Tha Tiger 3/10
Jab tak hai Jaan 3/10
Son of Sardar 1/10
Dabangg 2 2/10
And the winner is...
Son of Sardar – Ajay takes the cake –(cowdung flavour) ! Son of Sardar was the worst piece of cinema released all year. It is crap beyond all craps. And it even made Jab Tak Hai Jaan seem like a good movie! Ajay Devgan was by far the ZERO OF THE YEAR.
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Who dunnit better Award
Well, 2 films were made in the thriller genre this year. One towards the very beginning of the year and one towards the end. Infact the release of the 2nd was delayed because the 1st did so well. But, ofcourse the 1st had a powerpacked performance by the only Lady Hero in the business “Vidya Balan” and the 2nd was by Mr.Perfrectionist Aamir Khan.
Kahaani 5 /10
Talaash 5.5/10
And the winner is ...
TIE – Quite frankly I was disappointed by both the films. One was extremely manipulative and the other lame. Kahaani ( as many disagreed) was deliberately misleading, while Talaash didn’t have a powerful enough script. Both benefitted from super performances from all the actors. But just in terms of expectations and Value for Money – Kahaani wins, because it did so well and didn’t have the money backing that Talaash had.
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VolDARRmaut Awards
Films which were beyond rating. The films that rated the audience and the critics. These were beyond reproach. They are cult classics, permanently placed in the almanacs of history as THEM THOSE MUST NOT BE RATED.
Joker
Khiladi 786
And the winner is ...
There are no winners here. Everyone is a loser. Including you.
----------------------------------------------------
Flick of the Year award
Those films that gave me HOPE. Those that made this year bearable. Those films that really pushed the envelope, had good stories, well executed. One – perfect for the Oscars, One – that is actually being sent and will definitely not even make the shortlist and One – that was the BEST FILM OF THE YEAR.
Paan Singh Tomar 7/10
Shanghai 8/10
Barfi 6.5/10
And the winner is ...
Shanghai – Dibakar Banerjee proved once again that he is one heck of a storyteller. What an awesome story and so beautifully told. It was a nuanced film. And Emraan Hashmi really proved that he is much better than the likes of Imran Khan and Shahid Kapoor – really!
And about the Oscars: Barfi, though a good film, was finally an agglomeration of scenes from world cinema. It will easily get caught as a Copy.
Paan Singh Tomar would have been ideal for the Oscars because it had Irrfan in it, was based on a true story and was rustic Indian – 3 things international critics like about Foreign Films.
----------------------------------------------------
And that’s it folks... Yet another year is Over... And I would like to wish you a Happy New Year and hope we all have a great time at the movies (and otherwise) in 2013. Thanks so much for your support and do spread the word. It's only your kind words that keep me going.
P.S: I did not watch crap like PLAYERS, STOOLDENT OF THE YEAR, HOUSEFULL 2, TEZZ ! Maakasam...Bach gaya.
-----------------------------------------------
Poor Ka Nawaab Award
Sometimes you know god makes JODIs in hell! The Saifeena Jodi wrecked havoc in the theatres and their films are running for the Poor Ka Nawaab Award. Yes, that one film that should be the epitome of Poor Films this year.
Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu - 3.5 / 10
Agent Vinod – 2.5/10
Cocktail - 3/10
The decision was tough... But the Award goes to
AGENT VINOD --- the attempted Bond failure in which the 2 starred together. It was BORE ULTIMATUM. It proved once again, after the disastrous “Kurbaan” that this pair's magic just doesn’t work on screen. Plus, Sriram Raghavan really screwed it this time.
-----------------------------------------------
Masala Magic Award
The movies which were totally filmy and lived up to the hype around them. One was a remake of a cult film and the other 2 were actually 1 really long film cut into 2.
Agneepath - 5 / 10
GOW 2 - 6.5/10
GOW 1 - 6/10
The winner is ...
Gangs Of Wasseypur 2 – The 2nd offering of Anurag Kashyup’s epic masala film takes the award simply because it was more mad, had more powerful action and was overall the more enjoyable film.
----------------------------------------------------
Pocket Rocket Award
The small wonders of the year. Though this wasn’t an exceptional year in terms of small films, but it did give some gems. They were the ones that surprised you when you expected the least.
Vicky Donor 5/10
Ferrari ki Swaari 6/10
English Vinglish 7/10
Luv Shuv tey Chicken Khurana 4/10
And the winner is ...
English Vinglish – Undoubtedly the most heart-warming film of the year. Sri Devi returned and how! She put in a stellar performance. The BEST ACTRESS award surely goes to her. And probably one of the best scenes was the CAFE scene where Sri Devi struggles to buy a coffee! Brilliant.
----------------------------------------------------
Big Dud Award
Here come the big stinkers. Big Budget, big heroes, big box office collections, but films that are really regressive. If big stars and big directors really think this is what the audience wants and the audience proves that they just want Brainless Bullshit, then Bollywood will be dead in a few years. Akshay, Salman, Shahrukh and Ajay Devgan – Abb buss...
Rowdy Rathore 2/10
Ek Tha Tiger 3/10
Jab tak hai Jaan 3/10
Son of Sardar 1/10
Dabangg 2 2/10
And the winner is...
Son of Sardar – Ajay takes the cake –(cowdung flavour) ! Son of Sardar was the worst piece of cinema released all year. It is crap beyond all craps. And it even made Jab Tak Hai Jaan seem like a good movie! Ajay Devgan was by far the ZERO OF THE YEAR.
----------------------------------------------------
Who dunnit better Award
Well, 2 films were made in the thriller genre this year. One towards the very beginning of the year and one towards the end. Infact the release of the 2nd was delayed because the 1st did so well. But, ofcourse the 1st had a powerpacked performance by the only Lady Hero in the business “Vidya Balan” and the 2nd was by Mr.Perfrectionist Aamir Khan.
Kahaani 5 /10
Talaash 5.5/10
And the winner is ...
TIE – Quite frankly I was disappointed by both the films. One was extremely manipulative and the other lame. Kahaani ( as many disagreed) was deliberately misleading, while Talaash didn’t have a powerful enough script. Both benefitted from super performances from all the actors. But just in terms of expectations and Value for Money – Kahaani wins, because it did so well and didn’t have the money backing that Talaash had.
----------------------------------------------------
VolDARRmaut Awards
Films which were beyond rating. The films that rated the audience and the critics. These were beyond reproach. They are cult classics, permanently placed in the almanacs of history as THEM THOSE MUST NOT BE RATED.
Joker
Khiladi 786
And the winner is ...
There are no winners here. Everyone is a loser. Including you.
----------------------------------------------------
Flick of the Year award
Those films that gave me HOPE. Those that made this year bearable. Those films that really pushed the envelope, had good stories, well executed. One – perfect for the Oscars, One – that is actually being sent and will definitely not even make the shortlist and One – that was the BEST FILM OF THE YEAR.
Paan Singh Tomar 7/10
Shanghai 8/10
Barfi 6.5/10
And the winner is ...
Shanghai – Dibakar Banerjee proved once again that he is one heck of a storyteller. What an awesome story and so beautifully told. It was a nuanced film. And Emraan Hashmi really proved that he is much better than the likes of Imran Khan and Shahid Kapoor – really!
And about the Oscars: Barfi, though a good film, was finally an agglomeration of scenes from world cinema. It will easily get caught as a Copy.
Paan Singh Tomar would have been ideal for the Oscars because it had Irrfan in it, was based on a true story and was rustic Indian – 3 things international critics like about Foreign Films.
----------------------------------------------------
And that’s it folks... Yet another year is Over... And I would like to wish you a Happy New Year and hope we all have a great time at the movies (and otherwise) in 2013. Thanks so much for your support and do spread the word. It's only your kind words that keep me going.
P.S: I did not watch crap like PLAYERS, STOOLDENT OF THE YEAR, HOUSEFULL 2, TEZZ ! Maakasam...Bach gaya.
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