So, SRK wants to take revenge against Jackie Dada for falsely implicating his father in a robbery case. He teams up a rag tag bunch of cliched characters and concocts a hair-brained plan. They have to WIN the World Dance Championship, for the plan to be successful. What follows is some entertainment and loads of idiocy.
Anyway, inspired by the film, I danced my way to the finals of a musical dance show hosted on TV to promote this film and got a chance to con an interview out of SRK! Here’s are the exclusive gems from our discussion.
Me: “Sir, first of all, I would like to CONgratulate you on the grand Dubai premier of your film.”
SRK: “Thank you Thank you. Itni shiddat se humne yeh film promote ki hai, ki humaare account main wajan aapke hi note ki hai!”
Me: “Huh? Ok… Well, Sir you promoted this film as a Musical Con film. But Sir, this was more like a Popcorn film. Where’s the con? ”
SRK: “Con kambakth bardaasth karne ke liye film banataa hai, hum toh film banaate hai taaki public humpe paisa phek sake!”
Me: “Oh! Ok.. even the music is not that great considering it’s a Musical. No?”
SRK: “ Don’t underestimate the power of a common man Viru. Musical nahi hai toh kya hua? Naach toh phir bhi hoga… Woh bhi nangaa…”
Me: “Yes, public was having a good time. Specially in the first half. When it was neither a musical, nor a con film. Masala really worked. Why not just promote it as a Masala film? ”
SRK: “Pehle tumne kaha Con chodd do, phir tumne kahan Musical chodd do… Abb tum kahogay Masala chodd do.. ek din aayega tum kahogay films chodd do…”
Me: “Sir, Sir, gussa nako. I was just saying, that the film really works in the first half. Nonsensical-fun intros, good parody, good pace. But the central revenge theme is really weak. Thoda you should have worked on the script also. Second half jaan leti hai.”
SRK: “Zindagi toh harr roz jaan leti hai mere dost…. Meri picture toh bus ek baar legi!”
Me: “True that! But sir, you know that Con films need a good set up, a good villain, some empathy for the con-artists and should end with a super twist. I mean Heist films need to be intelligent. Thoda kaam karna mangta tha uspe right?”
SRK: “Kuch kaam aise hote hai jin main logic nahi dekhte… buss unmein faayda hona mangta hai. ”
Me: “Yeah, You must see Faayda. But a con film without logic is boring no? Farah seems like an intelligent lady. Why not apply it?”
SRK: “Intelligent!!! Hahahaha…. Badi Badi Khopdiyon main, aise chote chote bheje hote rehte hai! Look at my audience… They want tamasha… or they give tamacha.”
Me: “Well, on the plus side, Abhishek has done a good job, Boman is solid as ever. And well, good to see you not going too over the top even though the script itself is. Nice restraint Sir.”
SRK: “Sir….. Sir bahut Shreef lagta hai. Call me Don.”
Me: “Ok. Don. Do you think this will make 500 Crores?”
SRK: “Abb Sailaab aayega madan Chopra. Sailaab. Paison ka Sailaab.”
Me: “Madan Chopra?....err.. Don, why are you using your famous dialogues in every answer? Kuch original nahi likha kya? Even in the film, every dialogue is from some other movie. Wohi wohi baar baar karne main darr nahi lagta?”
SRK: “Mujhe darr toh bahut cheezon se lagta hai…par sabse zyada darr audience ko kho dene main lagta hai. Mujhe pataa hai, ki what works… works. Agar audience mujhe pyar karti hai toh palat kar phir theater main aayegi… Palat… Palat…”
Me: “India loves you, no doubt. But sir Kismat badi kutti cheez hai, kabhi bhi palat sakti hai..."
SRK: "Saala.. Mera kutta , mujhi pe baunk!!"
Me: " Sorry.. Sorry... One strange thing I saw. Your film has a disclaimer saying "Drinking is Injurious to Health" when you have liquor in your hands. Why did you agree to this? Pehle Smoking, abb drinking!!! Isn't this just too much parenting?"
SRK: "Yeah, they got the idea from my film only - Kabhi khushi Kabhi Gum. I wanted to put this disclaimer throughout the film - No drinking. No smoking. No der se aana .."
Me: "Aur jitni jaldi ho chale jaana.. right!!!... Final question. Chakk de India main you were Coach of Indian team. This time too you are captain of Team India, but I would like to state that the desi feeling is not really aroused. It’s too forced. Again, the appeal is too flimsy.”
SRK: “Mujhe stated logics sunai aur dikhaayi nahi dete hai… sirf ek mulk ko milk karna hai.. I…N..D..I..A…”
And with that he stood up in his trademark style - “Wide Ball” he said and walked away. I sniggered at the self-deprecating humour. And that’s what makes him the superstar he is (Plus, the photoshop that airbrushes his wrinkles in the entire 2nd half!! ).
Just wish that he would push his team to give more than just Masala to his audience. He has the power, he has the money - he has all the means necessary. Then why make a film where Heist meets Waste?
P.S.: As a family Diwali entertainer – this is half way there. But if you are looking for some good con-struct, forget it.
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