Cocktail is a kind of film that makes BALCONIES dangerous in cinema halls…. Who knows when someone might just have had enough and would just STALL the proceedings by jumping off! Fortunately I was in a multiplex, and hence jumping off was not really an option. Damn….
So, Cocktail is about 2 Long legs and a Chote Nawaab in between!!! Yes… It’s as ugly as it sounds … Let me explain the inane equation of this COCK-a-bull story:
Variables: DP1 – Dipika Padukone , DP2 – Diana Penty, CN – Chote Nawaab
Constants: BI - Boman Irani, DK - Dimple Kapadia, RW – Randeep WHO-da-faak
Main Characters: CN = Womaniser, DP1 = Rich /Lonely Girl, DP2 = Desi quiet one.
DP2 loves RW –her husband. RW kicks her out. DP2 moves in with DP1 and they indulge in mild girl-on-girl behenchaara. CN the psycho lady killer enters their life, their apartment and occasionally DP1! CN and DP1 are just cool friends with benefits. DP2 hates CN.
Enter DK the constant. Chemical explosion, Variables change nature. Now, DP1 loves CN. CN loves DP2. DP2 loves CN because he says so. And the audience flinches due to the pungent outcome.
Now, if you don’t get what I just explained, you are blessed. Disguised as a love story this is actually the first ever Indian Psycho-Love Triangle that is 3 freaking hours long. CN is surely psycho as his old haggard cock says “doodle do” everytime he sees long sexy legs. DP1 is psycho because she flips character more often than an Udipi cook flips Dosas. And DP2 I am sure is psycho, because her husband RW strangely is always beaten up after he meets her. Imtiaz Ali is chief psycho, because he is the writer of this maddening piece and finally, Homi Adajani – he is well and truly a psycho genre ustaad ( Being Cyrus and now this)
There are certain moments in the film that are funny and compelling, but largely – it’s a pure unadulterated ham and sausage fest. DP1 finally shows that she is not just 2 long legs and that her face has flexibility and expression. DP2, is pretty good, I mean, looking and that’s about it; while CN just keeps making a fool of himself. Cliches galore, formulaic and predictable, and songs being the only saving grace, Cocktail is the kind of film that results in stampedes while people are leaving a theatre! Give it a miss…. But if you do watch it remember – Tumhi ho Buddhu, Sucker tumhi.
Rating: 3 / 10