Last weekend was supposed to be epic. A Rohit Shetty-SRK combo vs SLB’s magnum opus and as expected the former took the lead in terms of box office collections. While Maharashtrians went up in arms against the historical inaccuracies in Bajirao Mastani, tolerant right wingers went bonkers against Dilwale because of SRK’s intolerant remark! While they fail to see the irony in this, the only thing it does is give publicity to this useless piece of fArt.
Well, dear Right Wingers, if you really want to get it right, here are a 5 valid reasons to be intolerant against this film. I mean, you won’t have to explain to the junta that you are doing this not because SRK is Muslim, but because he called India intolerant. Anyway here goes:
1)Manma No Emotion Jaage: Diwale is probably the most heartless film made by Shetty. By tolerating his shit over the years, we have inflated his ego so much that now he doesn’t even try to add a plot into it. I mean, we don’t expect too much of a story from Shitty, but this is the nadir of storytelling. This time he is not even pretending to try.
Guys if you wanna protest – protest against Shetty’s lack of interest to even pander to the lowest common denominator.
2)Gerua ? Why not Bhagwa?: Ok, don’t get excited now. I am not trying to say protest against them using red instead of Saffron! I am saying that there is more to see red here than just that Shetty is now lifting song locations from a Justin Bieber song! There is no logic in the proceedings. One minute the Don’s daughter is a conniving mastermind, the other - she is a blithering fool falling in love. The current drug lord (Boman Irani) is no more than a stand-up-comedian who gets wiped out by a single man in one brief fighting sequence. A loyal henchman takes 15 years to tell the heroine that the hero wasn’t at fault and he says it so nonchalantly that you want to slap him for wasting your precious time.
All of it is one big joke playing on the audience and when the film makes 300 crores, Shetty will be laughing his pants off.
Guys if you wanna protest – protest against Shetty’s attempt at making Chennai Express feel like a masterpiece!
3)Janam Janam Barbaad: Kajol and SRK created magic in DDLJ and the film was promoted as a recreation of this magic. Probably the biggest disservice Shetty does with this film is completely waste the chemistry of his leading pair and taint the pleasant memories of the past. The writing is so lame that the love story never comes alive. It looks like even SRK and Kajol realize that the dialogues are ineffective, so they deliver it half heartedly. When they say “Jaan le lungaa” to each other, you wish someone killed you first!
Guys if you wanna protest – protest against Shetty for rendering SRK-Kajol’s chemistry impotent.
4)Hamming ke Daayre breached: This is a moment to be remembered. This is like the epic clash between Pete Sampras and Roger Federer in Wimbledon 2001. It was the end of an era and beginning of a new one. Dilwale is officially the film where SRK gets out-hammed. Right, I know you would think that is impossible, but so was anyone beating Pistol Pete at Wimbledon! In Dilwale, SRK passes the baton to Varun Dhawan, who serves more Ham Sandwiches than the Americans have annually!!!
Guys if you wanna protest – protest against Varun Dhawan’s existence!
5)Acting Tu kar Tu Kar: As you walk out of the theater, you see the leading pairs gyrate to a song called Tukur tukur. You wonder if they are saying Tu Kar Tu Kar, Tu Kar Tu Kar, Tu Kar Tu Kar, Acting… Seriously, the actors don’t even seem interested in making your time, in the theatre, worthwhile. SRK is on his own trip. In Swades he was restrained, in other films he was over the top, this time around he could care less. Only in a couple of scenes where he is supposed to be angry, he puts up his hammy mukhautaa and runs in slow-motion, but otherwise he is just sleepwalking through the role. Kajol, tries a little, but again the best dialogues seem to be written for Johnny Lever, so why would she care? Kriti Sanon knows as much about acting, as she does about the hair shampoo’s composition used in a Salon i.e. Zilch! So you can’t ask much of her. And Varun… well Varun is actually trying to make up for each one of them!
Guys if you wanna protest – protest against SRK-Kajol’s utter disregard for your precious time.
I could keep going on, but I know you won’t tolerate any more reasons. So go ahead, protest for the right reasons. Save the nation some money, after all we work so hard for it. But don’t do it under the pretense of being tolerant! We should be standing up against such mediocrity. We should be protesting against such cruelty against our bums.
If we need to be intolerant, it should be against something like Dilwale, a film that tests our tolerance to the limits.
Rating: 2/10 … It can’t get worse. Alas, there is RGV’s Aag
If you haven't read my take on BAJIRAO MASTANI - CLICK HERE
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