What can you say about a movie that reviews itself in the final line? Dil main aataa hun, Samajh main nahi! Good that I detached my brain before entering the theater. After all, it was BHAI ki picture - Where he has loads of fun and his fans shower money over his thumkaas. Like Drew Carey said in “Whose line is it anyway?” – where everything is illogical and the plot doesn’t matter ( or something like that).
Frankly, the word Kick is repeated more times in the film than there were kicks in the World Cup! Now, the greatest show on earth may have been over, but Kick brings back all its memories in just 2.5 hours of hara-kiri.
There is no strategy here. Everyone is running helter-skelter, much like Brazil’s head-less chicken act in the Semi Final. The focus is on one man, and one man only – Messi urf Salman Bhai. He dribbles the ball – i.e. drives a double decker bus – across Poland and leaves the entire Polish (Police) force & film pundits as perplexed as the Iranian Goalkeeper Haghighi was when Messi pulled a fast one on Iran in the dying minutes.
Now, our beloved Messi urf Devi does a lot of tomfoolery in the film & breaks the law for kicks. Even when he is robbing the corrupt as the caped crusader called Devil, he is actually being human and saving children suffering from life-threatening diseases. He is surrounded by non-actors who do their best to dribble the ball to him. And inevitably he scores and much of it is beyond belief. The dialogues, by Rajat Arora are like swearing banana kicks that hit the sweet spot as far as the SalFans are concerned. Sample this – “Google ke paas har cheez ka jawaab mil jayega lekin iska nahi.”
Beside Messi is Higuain (Hooda), who you know can play really well, but is relegated to become the side show. He plays the cop behind Messi with conviction, but falters when it really matters. The only one that has some bite in his performance, is bad man Suarez urf Nawazuddin. The maniacal laugh and ulti khopdi keep you entertained, but eventually you know he is going to do something really over the top.
The plot is like most World Cup matches – it picks up pace only after half time. The first half is a dribbling drag, with an over stretched Tiki-Taka romance between Messi and Robben ( Jacqueline – the Narangi of the film). You have to see the film to believe the disastrous acting she does in the D-cup! The second half has more goals, but looks like the repeat telecast of Dhoom 3 ( Fail Cop – Check, Bridge escape – Check, Katrina Style dancing – Check, Insane Robbery and Chases – Check ). The film also goes into extra time, where it becomes difficult for you to sit. The fans don’t mind though and you end up paying the penalty!
So should you watch it? Well, for Messi urf Salman fans, everything he touches is gold. You know he was born for this. You can see him having loads of fun and even the staunchest non-believer will agree that this guy’s got SWAG! So what if the film has lost its plot, the golden ball will always go to him.
But enduring the film, for a non-believer, is tough. You are like the fan who doesn't see a minute of football for 4 years and then becomes the biggest football critic during the World Cup. You don’t know what the hell is going on, but you are caught in the fever. While the fans are going ballistic over grown men aimless kicking an overgrown ball, you wonder what is the point of it all! But it is an excuse to party. Watch it only if you can bear the kick – the one that is aimed at your nuts.
Rating: 3.5/10 - Someone please show Sajid Nadiawala a Red Card for giving us this LOWE blow and Ban him from making any more movies, just for kicks!